Blogmas Week Three | Video

Hello there turtle doves,

So we have officially survived through the traumatic kerfuffle of Christmas shoppers and have surpassed the third week of December. My, it has been a mish-mash; hence why this week's video mainly consists of decorating the tree with my mother. You may notice my dog seems to play a prominent role throughout these 'vlogs'. And the reason is simple; I find her expressions absolutely hilarious.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the coming festivities. Despite how utterly stressful its been for the best of us. Admittedly concerning my own week, it has been shockingly difficult. I think for a great deal of those suffering with mental illness, we tend to struggle this time of year, particularly those with Eating Disorders. So on that note, know that you're loved and deserve to put your feet up and enjoy it like everyone else- despite the circumstances. You can do this. Tidy-ho!

Love,

B x

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Blogmas Week Two | Video

Hello there wee' turtle doves,

Week two of 'vlogmas' is up. Well, this take on the video documentation anyway. In all honesty I'm rather surprised that I managed to piece together a video at all considering how little my life consists of these days.

This week we (my mother and I) paid a visit to our local garden centre, wonderful places which are all too often avoided, particularly by the younger generations. Admittedly I have always been thrilled to take a visit, having fallen in love with them since my mother first introduced me to their phenomenal Christmas displays. If you want a festive explosion to please the eye, a garden centre is the place to go. Not only that but they often have a humongous selection of decorations/ gifts on offer. The majority are also home to a wee' cafe, which is of course a must for coffee-lovers (or addicts like myself...) who would enjoy the fresh, invigorating surroundings.

We also began to decorate the gloomy depths of the house, making the most of my father being out! My own room perhaps being the most exaggerated. Unfortunately we didn't get round to decorating the tree itself, so I'm over the moon to be including that process in next week's video.

I believe that is all the major events from the past week. Other than overly- disappointing medical appointments which obviously wouldn't have made it into vlogmas.

Anyhow, I do hope you are well as usual. Please if it is not too much trouble, check out the YouTube video, like/share ect!

Love,

B x

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Blogmas Week One | Video

Hello there prancing reindeer,

My, my, my. It has been quite a while. Well, in terms of this blog's schedules anyhow. Throughout the past couple of weeks this has been a wee' project of mine. Filmography has always been a keen interest, but I neither had time or the reason to take it up. Nevertheless, at long last it has been done! The voice-over is a sweet, Christmas-y poem (of course, what a surprise). I think initially I'd rather ease myself into the whole 'YouTube' squabble, plus in a sense it added a little atmosphere to the video.
I intend to carry this weekly Vlogmas (and Blogmas on here) up until Christmas day itself. Not entirely sure how this is going to work out, but hey-ho, I enjoy it. And I hope you do too, fingers and toes crossed. I would be eternally grateful for any likes/shares/comments and feedback!
Wishing you a merry, jolly, festive, cheerful month.

Love,

B x

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Meditation?

Hello there snow angels,

Whilst a relatively festive blog post had been pre-planned, the weather has been absolutely furious, gales like fleeting alpacas spitting in your face... Anyhow, since that idea is postponed, a little indoor meditation sprung to mind. Admittedly this isn't a practice I often attempt, but when I have, I've found it to be surprisingly helpful.

Realistically, if you're aiming to take this up as a serious practice, then by all means I recommend taking a look at in-depth posture guides. However generally speaking, meditation does not require specific positions, locations or rituals. It can be done sitting on the sofa, standing in line, or simply atop your bed. The only recommendations are that you ensure:

                    -Your spine is relaxed, upright and not slumped.
                    -Your shoulders are free and slightly rolled back.
                    -Your head is evenly balanced and level.
                    -Your hands are supported, ie. resting on your lap or a cushion.
                    -Your face and jaw are free of all tensions, your brows relaxed.

This is purely to enable your breath to be fluent and efficient, with your muscles utterly at ease and create the feeling of being grounded. Discomfort can also, obviously, distract you from the meditation.

Concerning breathing however, it is an aspect which is perhaps the most important. This is where (oh what a surprise), mindfulness makes a sneaky little return. As it implies, being mindful of your breathing keeps your focus on that activity alone. Restricting your attention in this way, allows you to become aware of our tendency to jump from one thought to the other. Accomplishing this simple discipline brings you back to the present moment, experiencing the richness and magnetism which we often miss. Mindfulness of breathing also offers its benefits for those struggling with anxiety and agitation. Essentially, the perfect road to relaxation. (With of course the science-y advantages such as breathing focus expanding lung capacity, as a grand amount of oxygen has a positive effect on both your mental and physical state.)

Maybe with practice, you'll become so chilled that you'll float out the window and find yourself in a monastery. That'd be chipper.

If you've got the time and patience, it's a good idea to have a candle at hand. Everybody loves a dandy candle. Particularly a festive-scented one. They would promote a calmer aura and sentience throughout the room; not to mention they make it look as though you're a 'pro', supposedly.
Personally, mindlessly staring at a gentle, elegant flame as it dances with the slightest drought, is instantly soothing. Even the warmth of that natural-element is a comfort. Just be careful not to set your hair on fire though, I made that mistake...

A more adept summary of the benefits of meditation are as follows, originating from different Buddhist practices;

"Meditation is a means of transforming the mind. Buddhist meditation practices are techniques that encourage and develop concentration, clarity, emotional positivity, and a calm seeing of the true nature of things. By engaging with a particular meditation practice you learn the patterns and habits of your mind, and the practice offers a means to cultivate new, more positive ways of being. With regular work and patience these nourishing, focused states of mind can deepen into profoundly peaceful and energised states of mind. Such experiences can have a transformative effect and can lead to a new understanding of life."

And there we have it, skippedy-boop. Here's a little shameless self-promo of my fiction book: 'Journey Through The Hidden'- see previous post for more detail, please check it out, I'd be eternally grateful! Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

B x






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Writing A Novel

Hello there prancing elks,

Something rather inconceivable has recently come to pass. Something I would have ever in my wildest dreams thought would happen. Something I have long desired. Well, the title of this blog says it all. Now, before this get's all soppy, ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, Journey Through The Hidden.

 "A college student with grave, mental struggles, Via finds herself abruptly hitting rock-bottom. Jumping from a woodland bridge, an unusual story unfolds, but did she succeed in her act of suicide? Her journey through 1800's France, encounters with influential figures such as van Gogh, and a festive adventure with the bearded man himself, may at last reveal the key to life itself. This compelling tale is inspired from the author's real experiences, with both aims of raising awareness and understanding of mental illness, and encouraging all beings of finding answers to their own path."

Essentially this book was written during the endless college breaks I had to endure, therefore it got me through my remaining year. I was either huddled tightly in the corner of the library writing pages of notes, or wrapped up on the furthest computer away from civilization typing away my thoughts. The experience allowed me to escape to another world, be consumed by Via's journey and distance myself from my own.
In fact I would go as far to say that the entire first chapter is not only based on a true experience, but also represented the average day of college-life which occurred each day. In the midst of whatever the hell my brain was thinking; that is one of the reasons this book means so much to me. It is a product of my own, in a sense, 'therapy'. I discovered a great deal about myself whilst writing it, and all the while intending to do the same to the reader.
In terms of the cover, it is illustrated/ digitally painted myself on the Galaxy Note Pro.

I think that the major part of what I initially aimed to inflict upon the audience is described in one of the reviews. If you totter along to the link of the book and read it for yourself, you will get the gist. It indeed delves quit deep, but that is the desired effect.

Despite having been managing the book from my bedroom throughout the week, in contrast to my usual routine I've been relatively busy- hence the lack of posts.
Anyhow, that's that quick update over and done with, please check it out if you fancy it, I would be eternally grateful.

Journey Through The Hidden- Amazon.co.uk

Journey Through The Hidden- Amazon.com

Just briefly I would like to address the recent events which have been covered on the news, #PrayForParis. It is absolutely devastating, such an inhumane and despicable act. I cannot even comprehend how those involved must be feeling. My thoughts are with every one of them.

Love,

B x

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Umber

Hello there sparklers,

Due to the unfortunate melancholy; something of another expressive poem was in order. Again it's all about personal preference, take from it what you will. The interpretation depends on your own situation, perhaps if it's thought about deeply and sincerely enough, this may just lighten your perspectives. (Plus I found the need to practically splurge my thoughts and feelings somewhere.) So let's skippedy doo dah right down to the poem...

Land of raw umber, digress from the lantern of glare,

Once gallant as elk, yet soon nimble and reclusive,

Charmingly apt since rejected, not ever we compare,

Heart tainted umber, our own resort abusive,

Land of raw umber, slump via ruin or waste,

Close to sluggard seal, pelting tides to guard then lounge,

Smearing back-side atop your dearest growth, futile if chased,

Heart spoiling umber, exploit our lust to scrounge,

Land of raw umber, a hunter ascending past misty skies,

Alike focused agile owl, if shrouded then fragile and unsteady,

Endurance drove them through, yearning your star to rise,

Heart blistered umber, our surrender desires the ready,

Land of raw umber, why is all a meaningless number?

Our heart, when dry, is umber.

There we are. I would have done a good ol' saga Saturday, but with my brain currently being a splattered sprout, I gave it a miss. I think some alternate 'arty' posts are something are what I'll focus on next. Who knows? 

Also, (having posted this on Facebook and people agreeing) I've only just realized it's suicide prevention week. Reassuring though it is, this shouldn't be restricted to just on week. Surely, preventing suicide is something we should always have in mind, therefore this week is simply for 'awareness'. Nothing is more important than saving a life. Too many websites are glorifying something so terrible as the act of suicide and feeling suicidal, it only brings shame and even more withdrawal to those going through it. But meh, now I've made my meager contribution to the week I'm off to watch fireworks through the window. 

I should also mention that this blog now has an 'official' domain name, yay, wahoo, yippee. But sadly this means all previous comments have been deleted/ reset. So I would like to take this opportunity to say a huge, huge thank you to all who shared, liked and commented. You were all so lovely and it's greatly appreciated.

Love, 

B x

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Stop Travelling Backwards

Hello there prancing fawns,

Despite this being a perpetual theme running throughout this blog, the concept of staying grounded is indeed a proved benefit for each and every one of us. If the act is practiced to its fullest, it generally becomes a valuable privilege throughout our day-to-day routines. Particularly, though often evaded, those with mental illness'.
Having those abrasive, fatal moments when your entire world collapses due to our reflective thoughts of tomfoolery; kills. Essentially, when we are struggling, reflecting on our past, brutally comparing ourselves to who we used to be, only strengthens your self-hatred and in turn, impregnates a 'shitty' little goblin into your brain. This goblin, for argument's sake, we will name Norman. Below is an example of what Norman maliciously whispers in your ear whilst remaining entirely invisible.

(Click on for zoom)

It's likely we've all experienced this and that's okay, it's human nature after all. Not necessarily with the goblin of course, but with those intrusive thoughts which you cannot help but believe to be true. It is clear that perhaps in your darkest moments, looking back on the old you, does not give you determination to return to that place once again. But instead, we compare what we used to be with disgust and helplessness as we are demoralized by what we have become.
I for one am willing to admit that I endlessly cycle through these thoughts without even realizing I'm doing it. But earlier this week, it hit me. And bloody hard at that. The realization occurred during a midnight conversation with my mother. We had quite a few setbacks that morning concerning any hope of my own well-being which ultimately lead to an expected breakdown, as it would with anyone. Anyhow, as I sat curled up beside her in rather unpleasant, snotty sobbing; my life fell apart at the sudden flashback to my previous self.

'I used to be happy, bubbly, excitable and enthusiastic. I used to have friends, travel, sleepovers and laughter. I used to be fortunate enough to have people who loved me, cared not for my appearance, and believed in me. I was healthy, sporty and helpful. But most of all, I used to have a life.
Now I am the complete opposite. I lost all of that, and in turn lost any hope of returning. I am worthless, undeserving and a failure. I have not turned out how people expected me to be, and have not lived up to their expectations. I have no purpose and am a waste of a life."

Sound familiar? Well, perhaps not so specific or intense, but we've all reflected with a similar outcome. And consistently without fail, those unsettling thoughts are then wedged into our minds and stab us with the littlest of relapse. Instead, this is what we should be teaching ourselves.

'It doesn't matter who I used to be, because we are forever evolving and are effectively a different person than I was a mere minute ago. If I hadn't been through all that I had, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I have learnt empathy and sympathy. I have learnt to care with compassion, appreciate the happiness of those who surround us, and breathe with a conscience. When I look around me, the earth dances with life as my chest rises and I inhale the crisp, striking air. The value of all living organisms thrives through the senses, proving the world to be a beautiful and nurturing adventure. 
To give up, means predicting the future, and that is impossible. The future is uncertain, and I am okay with that. Because within this very moment, I am alive.'

“The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.” – Henry Miller

It is certainly true that ourselves are improved through bad experiences. Being suicidal gives us appreciation and passion that no one should suffer as much as we had. Being isolated for a substantial amount of time gives us a sense of wonder and intrigue when approached with new relationships. Having anxiety gives us appreciation for the moments we are at peace. Having an eating disorder gives us curiosity and gratitude for food, health and for people who are able to sustain and thrive. Being psychotic or delusional gives us admiration for those who are content with their appearance, engage and can tell the difference between right and wrong. Being lost and hurt, gives us reason to continue the journey.

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” – Carl Jung

  This is why mindfulness is so essential to our lives. Not doing so allows for lost life, and lost hope. Next time you find yourself in a bad place and comparing what you used to be, just stop and breathe for a second. Take note of what you are doing and stop it from escalating any further. Think of what goodness/ positives you have gained, not what you have lost. Focus on each of your senses in the present moment and allow it to fill you with the ultimate love for what surrounds you. You deserve the now, don't waste it.

“Mindfulness is about being fully awake in our lives. It is about perceiving the exquisite vividness of each moment. We also gain immediate access to our own powerful inner resources for insight, transformation, and healing.” –  Jon Kabat-Zinn

I would also recommend a YouTube channel, Depression to Expression. Scott's videos are by far some of the best mental-health videos out there. I've been subscribed for a few years now, and many of his theories and suggestions have stuck with me ever since. No doubt his wise words, gentle and fluent communication are incredibly helpful. His perspective even inspired me to write this post. Anyhow, tidy ho'.

Love,

B x

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Hector The Pumpkin | Halloween 2015

Hello there ominous owls,

Halloween is hereafter, the supermarket pumpkins are beginning to rot and mutate into moldy sludge, and we're all unleashing our inner-animagi. Rather dismally, I must admit that I have not carved one of these bulbous, orange legumes for the past five-ish years. Seeing that I now both have the time and incentive to do so, I thought I'd finally give it a bash.
Despite having used an abnormally minuscule pumpkin, it made the entire ordeal quite a degree easier. Considering after a few days propped against a window-ledge, every effort would have decayed, therefore the prospect of hard work didn't seem to appeal to me. Anyhow, without further nattering, please welcome...

........Mr Hector and his somewhat deadpan buddy. At least I can say I contributed to Halloween this year, can't I? Either way, regardless of his furrowed appearance, it was carved at 10:30pm so that's my meager excuse.

How thrilling, what a night it is when your time consists of staring blankly into the depths of Hector's hollow eyes, as he burns from within, eventually falling limply into a pile of goop.

Nevertheless, it's presence does certainly bring a whole lotta' atmosphere. In all honestly, I don't think I've ever felt as autumnal/ spookily festive.

Also, here's a little tip. I would recommend carving a pumpkin atop a covered surface. I made the careless, fatal mistake of doing it on a carpet. Yes it is common sense, but clearly that is what I lack.

One more thing to mention, try not to use a huge knife, it may not end well and clearly doesn't allow for the best detailing or technique.
And with that, of course it must be said. Happy Halloween. My best wishes go out to everyone celebrating this year, particularly with the loss of trick or treater's these days. I only wish fiction became a reality in this instance, I think the majority of potterheads would jump at the thrill of a 'Troll, in the dungeons!' this October 31st.

Anyhow, enjoy the festivities and think of poor old Hector as he rots.

Love,

B x

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Have You Lost Your Life?

Hello there fallow deers,

Often breath becomes abstract, our presence a mere cloud yet hollow,

Obscured though strained, purportless and impaired,

Our heart blistered and bruised lilac, while the rope deceives to follow, 

Caged in our sultry sphere, only yearning and confounded,

Beings striding the earth with complacency, but alone,

For our self we abolish hope of that luxury, futile to stay grounded,

We have lost our life, molten from the ostensible flame of torture,

Unknown of the reality, sentience but cloaked in retreat,

To solve is to uncover, it lies beneath in fiery scorcher,

For life is to breathe, take note of ambiance and charm, 

Inapt is future and past, purpose is but a whisper,

All can harness the strength and will, needn't resort to harm,

Oaks be resilient, their cycles exist infinitely with grace,

Prancing forth through either path, a wild ballet by our toes,

Condition matters not, only our minds destined to embrace,

We find our life eternally within, a dwelling we scarcely peek,

Not once dominate did death, but simply beguile our health, 

Life thrives through our senses, painting what we seek.

I urge you to decode my wee' attempt at poetry, it holds a message which drives me on. We all lose hope, or perhaps in this sense feel as though we have lost our lives. Until all that remains is a tired soul, wandering day by day, closer to that cliff edge which tempts us to a close. Take note of what the poem speaks. Your story is important as anyone's, undefined and open to your blank canvas. Create, appreciate, meditate, breathe, look closely.

In other news (because it's always necessary to end on a high-note), I have recently discovered that this year my birthday falls on 'black Friday', a relatively new concept only introduced to the UK within the past few years. So, looks that that's going to be a squabble of a day.

Love,

B x

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Halloween 2015 | The Pixie

Hello there vampire bats,

Since I enjoyed the experimentation aspect of the last Halloween post, it only made sense to attempt yet another 'spooky' getup. Well, I say spooky, but evidently this particular look has taken a relatively mythical turn. Throughout my years I have, perhaps unfortunately, been labeled 'pixie-like' by a fair few. So therefore I have disturbingly given a whirl at this bizarre, nymph thingy-ma-gig. It's hardly necessary to point out that I am no professional, nor do I have a clue what I am doing and appear somewhat creepy. With that said, brace yourselves.

1   Prime, base layer of gold. Like a fairy has defecated all over your eyelids.

2  Darken crease with a mulberry and bring below waterline.

3  Use eyeliner (preferably not waterproof, as I idiotically did) to line eyes, bringing the inner corner further like an outward hook.

4  Fill in the hook from dark to light, gradient the colours out towards the center-ear level. Perhaps add some tawny browns and reds. I'm keeping the lids themselves more minimal as the crazy eyelashes will likely cover them.

5  Continue to darken to desired effect. I went all out and just smothered gold on the bridge of my nose and so on.

6  What the hell, just go mental.

7 Umber eye-shadow, eyebrows. *shrugs*

8  Oh good lord. My, I'm off one's rocker. Golden, tinsel-like lashes, Tanya Burr Lip-gloss, and tribal shadows.

9   The ears are from ASDA. (Walmart?) KILL IT. KILL IT WITH FIRE. Apologies for that, the images are rather unnerving. Anyhow, to all intents and purposes, the pixie look is complete. Hallelujah.

Well that's that. Halloween is closing in, and I have made my contribution. I hope you liked this... Creation.

Have a lovely week, I'm off to fly through the trees with goblins and such.

Love,

B x

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Ye Olde London | Saga Saturday

 Hello there grizzly bears,

Goodness me it is cold, as I am writing this in fact, I am snuggled by a radiator with two dressing-gowns swathing me. Quite frankly, the sudden drop in temperature here in the UK is likely the reason for my inability to sleep, playing the Sims 3 until 3am. Is that a good enough excuse?
Anyhow, it's time for yet another weekly roundup of favorites and highlights. Admittedly it is going to be a rather tough one, but hey-ho, life's an enigma and I'm up for a fathom.

Weekly Favorites:

 "Whatever happens, wherever you go, whatever you do, remember this: no one can take the fire out of your soul, the stars from your eyes, the passion in your heart. Those are yours forever."

'Little Soldier by Mindy Gledhill'. Ah, the sweet melodies of Christmas. This has been a favorite of mine for quite some time. It used to calm me down when alone and notably anxious, which was realistically how I spent every ounce of my time in college. Wahey, the joys of student life. But yes, this lovely piece of music gives warmth and comfort as it urges you to sit and sway by the log fire.

'Winter Moon by Whi Yi'. This work has quite an interesting use of lines, which I find somewhat intriguing considering the subject matter. Despite highlighting the 'winter moon', the artist seems to develop on the perhaps more 'glum' aspects of the season; yet attracts the eye to the focal point at the end of the endless wavy lines. However, I find it quite alluring and subtly pulls me into the winter mood. A certain chill in the air.

'Words of wisdom from an unexpected citizen'. This guy is simply incredible. There's not many people as determined in the world as him, and takes a hell of a lot of guts to do what he does. Mathew Silver walks through New York City in his underwear, beckoning words of genuine wisdom to the public. He is truly inspirational, and prevails to put forward his beliefs of love between human kind. Check him out if you want a jolly good boost.

Hmm, this one may sound slightly odd in comparison to my usual waffle. Simply, hot-water bottles. Not in the sense to bring warmth (because that is a daily ritual for myself anyway), but in terms on soothing pain. If you're experiencing some sort of ache/pain/ muscle tension, try holding one over the area. I've been having kidney pain and let me tell you; this toasty, snug bottle of miraculous relaxation is the red-breast to my robin. Moving on...

In my first year doing A levels, my drama group took a trip to London, touring theaters and such. It was my first time experiencing this great capital, and one I truly wish to return to. Now, I cannot stress this enough; always make the most of every adventure, live every second within the moment and appreciate all sights, do not waste time with oppressive thoughts. Despite having dreamt of visiting London, I wasted the entire trip, only being left with memories of dejection. I allowed my mind to take control, ensuring every moment which should have been treasured to become an episode of anguish and self-hatred. I'm sure we've all been through similar situations, which is why it is so fundamentally important to live in the moment and appreciate what you are being given around you; the world's gift. London itself is a beautiful city, filled with life and incredible culture, the theaters brimming with history and compelling tales. Yet I spent the entire time hiding behind a friend, isolated, embarrassed, and did not allow myself to buy anything other than a chap-stick because I 'didn't deserve it'. Not to mention I experienced one of the worst evenings of my life whilst there, which I won't go in to for perhaps triggering reasons. So please for the sake of your own well-being; make the most of everything. Kick the hell outta' that goblin on your shoulder and prance forth on your adventures. *roar of applause*

Weekly Highlights:

I won't lie, I've been staring at this section for ages and cannot for the life of me think of anything to write. Oh, actually, I know! Goodness, I'm literally typing my train of thought here, oh well. Anyhow, I had a good ol' chat with an old friend (hello there Emma Barlow if you're reading this!), she really put a smile on my face and brightened my week, therefore deserves to be featured. Check out her Instagram, she's an inspirational, kind, caring, beautiful young lady who deserves more recognition for her greatness. Despite the two of us being somewhat enemies in the earlier 'primary school' years, our friendship flipped and now I miss her tonnes, and of course I#m wishing her all the best whilst in University.

 I'm still alive! Meh, that'll do.

All done, wahoo. Again feel free to use this idea of your 'Saga Saturday', I'm interested. You can all be positive and optimistic if you really focus on the right path.

Love,

B x

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